Gifts from my loved ones

We all know I don't have a husband and kids to spoil on Christmas so the next best thing are my four legged, spoiled rotten, oh so cute Dogs- Sampson and Lilah. Well, they decided to make this a VERY special year for their mommy and got me some really nice presents!!! Since the economy sucks, they felt it was best to MAKE some gifts instead. In our little family of 3 we have a tradition of opening one present on Christmas eve.... So, Lilah volunteered to give me her gift first....

FARTS! She had a belly full! She was farting non-stop and the funniest part was each fart made this hilarious squeak, which scared her so she'd jump away from herself. FUNNY! The gift that kept on giving....

Then Sampson, like all young kids, decided he couldn't wait til the sun was up to give me his present. He was so excited that by 4 am he was waking me up and leading me out to the tree, (well, the living room, which should have had a tree) and there he PUKED. Merry Christmas Mom, here's an early morning puke for you! And of course, Lilah can't be outdone, so a few hours later, she puked all over the entry way for me too.

Merry Christmas!!!! :)

What would JESUS do?

Merry Christmas to me!!! Or so I thought....

So, yesterday I run to the bank to make a measly $80 deposit to cover a utility bill I need to pay. I hardly ever use this bank because I personally believe Wells Fargo SUCKS! :) (No offense Nicole). They screw you on every possible fee there is! Anyway, I might just be wrong about them because later when I came home and logged on to pay that bill, there was a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!

Miraculously there was a deposit for $4004.34 right after my $80.09 deposit. YES, FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS! Now I know for some of you this is chump change, but for me, it was real proof Santa exists!!!

What could I do with $4004.34???? Lots of friends to go visit, spectaular last minute presents for my family, a professional ear/eyes/nails and anal glands expressed grooming for the dogs! :) I bet they'd rather NOT have that gift... The ideas were endless! Of course I called the bank to find out what was going on but they couldn't tell me because it was "pending" and I called my parents to make sure no one had accidentally "misplaced" money into my account. Nope.

So, I didn't sleep all night and I realized that even Satan comes out to play on Christmas Eve... This morning I debated about withdrawing all that cash and finding out what happens AFTER I celebrate Christmas... BUT of course, tomorrow is Jesus's freakin birthday for goodness sake!!!! What would JESUS do? He wouldn't steal that money and high tail it to the Inn. He wouldn't con the 3 wise men into some immediate "business ventures". And he definitely wouldn't send the donkey to get a good once over. He'd walk those no-sock sandled feet in this 30 degree blowing wind the 5 miles to dumb Wells Fargo and tell them the truth.

So not-so-merry-christmas to me, but happy birthday to you Jesus! Someone got their $4004.34 back just in time to celebrate...

Lets hope theres a Washington Mutual bank of Good Deeds in Heaven...

this month i am the tortoise

I always say I'm not the tortoise, not the hare- because I'm always somewhere in middle. No rush to be first but definitely not slow enough to be last... Sorry its taken me so long to write but I was waiting on photos. Since I don't have them yet, I'll just fill you in...

The TURKEY TROT- MY FIRST (and last) 10K on Thanksgiving.

Well, I made myself sick worrying about that but since I am here with hands on keyboard, it looks like I lived... Honestly it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. We got there a little late so we didn't start with the huge mass of runners, much to my dismay. I hoped that their energy would carry me the whole 6 miles, but whatever. The first 100 feet or so were great! Then I couldn't breathe. :)
I walked quickly for a little bit and then alternated between my speedwalk, which I'm sure is laughable, and my jog, which is never going to be a run. Somewhere between mile 2 and 3 I got this annoying cramp in my abdomen, which is odd since it is a complete 6-pack... 6 pack of premade jello cups that is. That cramp really makes me mad. I've gotten it the last 3 times I've run and it hurts. I don't understand where it comes from or why it rips my whole right abdomen apart, but again, whatever. I debated about quitting this stupid "trot" because I knew before I hit mile 4 my dad would be at the finish line. The smart thing about doing this out of state is that I couldn't quit because I had NO CLUE where in the hell I was! I was in Mesa, but I didn't have a cell phone and I didn't know how to get home so I had to freaking finish.

Well, here I was creeping up on mile 3 and a 86+ year old man comes crawling past me and that sure helped with the anger management. I turned up the life-saving iPOD, flipped to a song with a good beat and probably a bunch of dirty words and picked up the pace. Miles 4 and 5 werent bad, and I realized I was so close to the end!!! So, here I am looking for the finish line and who comes RUNNING past me? A ONE LEGGED MAN! Well, obviously he had an artificial leg. He had one of those cool ones that looks like an aluminum pancake turner on the bottom, its all aerodynamic for sports and stuff... Yes, that man passes me!!!! Hope they are serving HUMBLE pie at Thanksgiving dinner... So, anyway, I see the MILE 6 sign ahead, BUT THERE IS NO FINISH LINE WITH THAT MILE 6 SIGN!!! What is this crap? I was told it was 6 miles, not 6.23418 miles or whatever the #$&* it is!!! I am blistered, pissed, all jello'ed out and where is that stupid finish line?
Oh, there it is, around the corner behind the little grassy hill, where everyone who has finished, like 30 minutes ago, is twiddling their thumbs waiting with oxygen tanks for all us slowpokes. And there's Mom, with her camera, to mark this monumental moment!
So, long story long- I finished and I am alive. And I did beat the 86+ year old man. And a few other 12 year old kids. :)