Okay, sorry its been a while but I don't have too much to tell these days... I'm up in northern CA workin for my Dad and hanging out with my brothers, which is fun, but not Funny so I don't have much to entertain you. I did get a molar and wisdom tooth yanked out last week so I should have written while I was drugged and drooling, that might have made for some good reading...
I will say that I am VERY upset with The Bachelor for those of you fellow followers! I cheated and spent hours online trying to find the spoilers for what is to come, and you don't want to know. If what I read is true, I will force myself to give up this show because it is mean, humiliating and wrong. I won't give any details but I am seriously bothered.
Other than that, I will try and do something stupid or meet someone crazy or hang out in some odd place so that I can come up with juice for my next entry.
Until then, I love your stories and I spend many late nights catching up on your lives when I can't sleep!
Love to you all!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Nothin finer...
I figure I should share this fun little story with you ladies that are married. If there is ever a day that you can't stand your husband or you wonder why in the hell you ever got married, I want you to think of this and then make your man some dinner!
On the first day of animal cop training class I noticed there was a guy sitting up front who looked somewhat like a guy I used to kiss in college, but he was bigger and didn't have freckles. Well, 3 days into training, my kisser look alike decided to start talking to me. He seemed friendly, has nice teeth and was somewhat funny.
So, within an hour of him introducing himself and saying a few friendly words, he starts sending me texts all during class, just pouring it on! (I am not good at flirting, and I run from aggressive guys). Before class ends he asks if we can go to dinner that night. So, I say I'm busy and try to make light of it since I have 2 more days with him in class. What happens next? He calls the minute I leave class. Then he texts later that night. And finally, I get a text at 2:30 am with a picture of him in it, "hoping this will influence me". I get to class the next day and immediately get more texts and so on and so forth.
In all these texts I notice it says 'NOTHIN FINER'. In the first message I thought he was trying to reinforce his undeniable attraction to me but when it started showing up on every text, I wondered if this was his signature of some sort. So I asked why thats on every message and he says,
"cuz there's NOTHIN FINER THAN CHUCK MINOR."
This is my life. This is what is attracted to me. These are the men that stalk me. Ladies, this is whats left in the single men pool. So the next time your husband rolls over snoring with his stinky breath and jiggly belly, I want you to remember this... Its down to North Dakotan, bull riding, "all natural" weight lifting stalkers named Chuck!
"cuz there's NOTHIN FINER THAN CHUCK MINOR."
This is my life. This is what is attracted to me. These are the men that stalk me. Ladies, this is whats left in the single men pool. So the next time your husband rolls over snoring with his stinky breath and jiggly belly, I want you to remember this... Its down to North Dakotan, bull riding, "all natural" weight lifting stalkers named Chuck!
But there aint nothin finer....
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Animal Cops Rule!
Alright, anyone who knows me well knows that I am an animal lover through and through! I don't expect anyone else to be as nuts as I am, I know I'm "different"... :) But, I'm not the crazy girl who gives up burgers, steak or chicken- I can't do it. I haven't had lamb in like 20 years though because when I was young I was in 4-H, go ahead and laugh, and I raised 3 little lambs... Can't eat something that used to follow me around "baaaaahing" all day long.
Anyway, I didn't even know Animal Cops existed until Animal Planet did a show and now I have found my calling!!! First, I get to save little animals AND I get a gun! Hello, bossing people around, with authority, and saving little puppies.... What could be better!?!?!?! Well, if I was married with a family, there might be Higher callings, but since it is what it is-- I have found mine!
So, I have started some training and it is like living Law and Order. Crime scene investigation and photography, search warrants, testifying in court, self-defense, and public speaking. Hello, so fascinating and fun! I'm sure its nothing like a baby walking for the first time or any of that but its like being called home to the mother ship in Lisa land :)
Bet you can't wait to see me in uniform with a badge and bite stick, so sexy... Pit bulls and gangsta thugs here I come!
Anyway, I didn't even know Animal Cops existed until Animal Planet did a show and now I have found my calling!!! First, I get to save little animals AND I get a gun! Hello, bossing people around, with authority, and saving little puppies.... What could be better!?!?!?! Well, if I was married with a family, there might be Higher callings, but since it is what it is-- I have found mine!
So, I have started some training and it is like living Law and Order. Crime scene investigation and photography, search warrants, testifying in court, self-defense, and public speaking. Hello, so fascinating and fun! I'm sure its nothing like a baby walking for the first time or any of that but its like being called home to the mother ship in Lisa land :)
Bet you can't wait to see me in uniform with a badge and bite stick, so sexy... Pit bulls and gangsta thugs here I come!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Gifts from my loved ones
We all know I don't have a husband and kids to spoil on Christmas so the next best thing are my four legged, spoiled rotten, oh so cute Dogs- Sampson and Lilah. Well, they decided to make this a VERY special year for their mommy and got me some really nice presents!!! Since the economy sucks, they felt it was best to MAKE some gifts instead. In our little family of 3 we have a tradition of opening one present on Christmas eve.... So, Lilah volunteered to give me her gift first....
FARTS! She had a belly full! She was farting non-stop and the funniest part was each fart made this hilarious squeak, which scared her so she'd jump away from herself. FUNNY! The gift that kept on giving....
Then Sampson, like all young kids, decided he couldn't wait til the sun was up to give me his present. He was so excited that by 4 am he was waking me up and leading me out to the tree, (well, the living room, which should have had a tree) and there he PUKED. Merry Christmas Mom, here's an early morning puke for you! And of course, Lilah can't be outdone, so a few hours later, she puked all over the entry way for me too.
Merry Christmas!!!! :)
FARTS! She had a belly full! She was farting non-stop and the funniest part was each fart made this hilarious squeak, which scared her so she'd jump away from herself. FUNNY! The gift that kept on giving....
Then Sampson, like all young kids, decided he couldn't wait til the sun was up to give me his present. He was so excited that by 4 am he was waking me up and leading me out to the tree, (well, the living room, which should have had a tree) and there he PUKED. Merry Christmas Mom, here's an early morning puke for you! And of course, Lilah can't be outdone, so a few hours later, she puked all over the entry way for me too.
Merry Christmas!!!! :)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
What would JESUS do?
Merry Christmas to me!!! Or so I thought....
So, yesterday I run to the bank to make a measly $80 deposit to cover a utility bill I need to pay. I hardly ever use this bank because I personally believe Wells Fargo SUCKS! :) (No offense Nicole). They screw you on every possible fee there is! Anyway, I might just be wrong about them because later when I came home and logged on to pay that bill, there was a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!
Miraculously there was a deposit for $4004.34 right after my $80.09 deposit. YES, FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS! Now I know for some of you this is chump change, but for me, it was real proof Santa exists!!!
What could I do with $4004.34???? Lots of friends to go visit, spectaular last minute presents for my family, a professional ear/eyes/nails and anal glands expressed grooming for the dogs! :) I bet they'd rather NOT have that gift... The ideas were endless! Of course I called the bank to find out what was going on but they couldn't tell me because it was "pending" and I called my parents to make sure no one had accidentally "misplaced" money into my account. Nope.
So, I didn't sleep all night and I realized that even Satan comes out to play on Christmas Eve... This morning I debated about withdrawing all that cash and finding out what happens AFTER I celebrate Christmas... BUT of course, tomorrow is Jesus's freakin birthday for goodness sake!!!! What would JESUS do? He wouldn't steal that money and high tail it to the Inn. He wouldn't con the 3 wise men into some immediate "business ventures". And he definitely wouldn't send the donkey to get a good once over. He'd walk those no-sock sandled feet in this 30 degree blowing wind the 5 miles to dumb Wells Fargo and tell them the truth.
So not-so-merry-christmas to me, but happy birthday to you Jesus! Someone got their $4004.34 back just in time to celebrate...
Lets hope theres a Washington Mutual bank of Good Deeds in Heaven...
So, yesterday I run to the bank to make a measly $80 deposit to cover a utility bill I need to pay. I hardly ever use this bank because I personally believe Wells Fargo SUCKS! :) (No offense Nicole). They screw you on every possible fee there is! Anyway, I might just be wrong about them because later when I came home and logged on to pay that bill, there was a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!
Miraculously there was a deposit for $4004.34 right after my $80.09 deposit. YES, FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS! Now I know for some of you this is chump change, but for me, it was real proof Santa exists!!!
What could I do with $4004.34???? Lots of friends to go visit, spectaular last minute presents for my family, a professional ear/eyes/nails and anal glands expressed grooming for the dogs! :) I bet they'd rather NOT have that gift... The ideas were endless! Of course I called the bank to find out what was going on but they couldn't tell me because it was "pending" and I called my parents to make sure no one had accidentally "misplaced" money into my account. Nope.
So, I didn't sleep all night and I realized that even Satan comes out to play on Christmas Eve... This morning I debated about withdrawing all that cash and finding out what happens AFTER I celebrate Christmas... BUT of course, tomorrow is Jesus's freakin birthday for goodness sake!!!! What would JESUS do? He wouldn't steal that money and high tail it to the Inn. He wouldn't con the 3 wise men into some immediate "business ventures". And he definitely wouldn't send the donkey to get a good once over. He'd walk those no-sock sandled feet in this 30 degree blowing wind the 5 miles to dumb Wells Fargo and tell them the truth.
So not-so-merry-christmas to me, but happy birthday to you Jesus! Someone got their $4004.34 back just in time to celebrate...
Lets hope theres a Washington Mutual bank of Good Deeds in Heaven...
Monday, December 8, 2008
this month i am the tortoise
I always say I'm not the tortoise, not the hare- because I'm always somewhere in middle. No rush to be first but definitely not slow enough to be last... Sorry its taken me so long to write but I was waiting on photos. Since I don't have them yet, I'll just fill you in...
The TURKEY TROT- MY FIRST (and last) 10K on Thanksgiving.
Well, I made myself sick worrying about that but since I am here with hands on keyboard, it looks like I lived... Honestly it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. We got there a little late so we didn't start with the huge mass of runners, much to my dismay. I hoped that their energy would carry me the whole 6 miles, but whatever. The first 100 feet or so were great! Then I couldn't breathe. :)
I walked quickly for a little bit and then alternated between my speedwalk, which I'm sure is laughable, and my jog, which is never going to be a run. Somewhere between mile 2 and 3 I got this annoying cramp in my abdomen, which is odd since it is a complete 6-pack... 6 pack of premade jello cups that is. That cramp really makes me mad. I've gotten it the last 3 times I've run and it hurts. I don't understand where it comes from or why it rips my whole right abdomen apart, but again, whatever. I debated about quitting this stupid "trot" because I knew before I hit mile 4 my dad would be at the finish line. The smart thing about doing this out of state is that I couldn't quit because I had NO CLUE where in the hell I was! I was in Mesa, but I didn't have a cell phone and I didn't know how to get home so I had to freaking finish.
Well, here I was creeping up on mile 3 and a 86+ year old man comes crawling past me and that sure helped with the anger management. I turned up the life-saving iPOD, flipped to a song with a good beat and probably a bunch of dirty words and picked up the pace. Miles 4 and 5 werent bad, and I realized I was so close to the end!!! So, here I am looking for the finish line and who comes RUNNING past me? A ONE LEGGED MAN! Well, obviously he had an artificial leg. He had one of those cool ones that looks like an aluminum pancake turner on the bottom, its all aerodynamic for sports and stuff... Yes, that man passes me!!!! Hope they are serving HUMBLE pie at Thanksgiving dinner... So, anyway, I see the MILE 6 sign ahead, BUT THERE IS NO FINISH LINE WITH THAT MILE 6 SIGN!!! What is this crap? I was told it was 6 miles, not 6.23418 miles or whatever the #$&* it is!!! I am blistered, pissed, all jello'ed out and where is that stupid finish line?
Oh, there it is, around the corner behind the little grassy hill, where everyone who has finished, like 30 minutes ago, is twiddling their thumbs waiting with oxygen tanks for all us slowpokes. And there's Mom, with her camera, to mark this monumental moment!
So, long story long- I finished and I am alive. And I did beat the 86+ year old man. And a few other 12 year old kids. :)
The TURKEY TROT- MY FIRST (and last) 10K on Thanksgiving.
Well, I made myself sick worrying about that but since I am here with hands on keyboard, it looks like I lived... Honestly it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. We got there a little late so we didn't start with the huge mass of runners, much to my dismay. I hoped that their energy would carry me the whole 6 miles, but whatever. The first 100 feet or so were great! Then I couldn't breathe. :)
I walked quickly for a little bit and then alternated between my speedwalk, which I'm sure is laughable, and my jog, which is never going to be a run. Somewhere between mile 2 and 3 I got this annoying cramp in my abdomen, which is odd since it is a complete 6-pack... 6 pack of premade jello cups that is. That cramp really makes me mad. I've gotten it the last 3 times I've run and it hurts. I don't understand where it comes from or why it rips my whole right abdomen apart, but again, whatever. I debated about quitting this stupid "trot" because I knew before I hit mile 4 my dad would be at the finish line. The smart thing about doing this out of state is that I couldn't quit because I had NO CLUE where in the hell I was! I was in Mesa, but I didn't have a cell phone and I didn't know how to get home so I had to freaking finish.
Well, here I was creeping up on mile 3 and a 86+ year old man comes crawling past me and that sure helped with the anger management. I turned up the life-saving iPOD, flipped to a song with a good beat and probably a bunch of dirty words and picked up the pace. Miles 4 and 5 werent bad, and I realized I was so close to the end!!! So, here I am looking for the finish line and who comes RUNNING past me? A ONE LEGGED MAN! Well, obviously he had an artificial leg. He had one of those cool ones that looks like an aluminum pancake turner on the bottom, its all aerodynamic for sports and stuff... Yes, that man passes me!!!! Hope they are serving HUMBLE pie at Thanksgiving dinner... So, anyway, I see the MILE 6 sign ahead, BUT THERE IS NO FINISH LINE WITH THAT MILE 6 SIGN!!! What is this crap? I was told it was 6 miles, not 6.23418 miles or whatever the #$&* it is!!! I am blistered, pissed, all jello'ed out and where is that stupid finish line?
Oh, there it is, around the corner behind the little grassy hill, where everyone who has finished, like 30 minutes ago, is twiddling their thumbs waiting with oxygen tanks for all us slowpokes. And there's Mom, with her camera, to mark this monumental moment!
So, long story long- I finished and I am alive. And I did beat the 86+ year old man. And a few other 12 year old kids. :)
Saturday, November 15, 2008
New Bloggers BEWARE...
Okay, when I started looking at my friends Blogs every once in a while I'd see posts about being "tagged". I didn't know how you got tagged but I assumed it was like "steal the bacon" from Elementary School. Guess not.
So, for my new virgin blogging friends like me- What it means is, BEWARE!!! It takes the fun out of going to your friends links because there is the slightest chance your name will be at the bottom of one of their entries! I have been tagged for the first time so I will play along....
7 Random facts about me:
-I actually said prayers to win Publishers Clearing House. Is it even still around? I wonder if I still have a chance... I am a total bargainer, ooops.
-I love batters! Cake batter, cookie batter, pie dough, cinnamon pluck-it, you name it!
-I think I have split personality disorder. You are probably laughing because YOU know I do and you're wondering how it took me soooooooo long to figure this out.
-I CRAVE good, hard, can't breathe, uncontrolled snorting, make you cry BELLY LAUGHTER
-I really wish I could go live in Africa for a year on a safari
-I like to mix my corn and mashed potatoes- learned that from Uncle Bob
-I am at the point where I am truly considering marrying a short, fat, bald, (but please not smelly) middle aged man... Anyone got a rich uncle they want to auction off? As long as he can still breed, lets talk :)
ALRIGHT... Since I want you all to be prepared and get your practice... I'm tagging COLE, SACHIA, MARSHA, THERA, AMY and KRISTI. I think the rest of you have been tagged before. If not... Tune in next time... :)
So, for my new virgin blogging friends like me- What it means is, BEWARE!!! It takes the fun out of going to your friends links because there is the slightest chance your name will be at the bottom of one of their entries! I have been tagged for the first time so I will play along....
7 Random facts about me:
-I actually said prayers to win Publishers Clearing House. Is it even still around? I wonder if I still have a chance... I am a total bargainer, ooops.
-I love batters! Cake batter, cookie batter, pie dough, cinnamon pluck-it, you name it!
-I think I have split personality disorder. You are probably laughing because YOU know I do and you're wondering how it took me soooooooo long to figure this out.
-I CRAVE good, hard, can't breathe, uncontrolled snorting, make you cry BELLY LAUGHTER
-I really wish I could go live in Africa for a year on a safari
-I like to mix my corn and mashed potatoes- learned that from Uncle Bob
-I am at the point where I am truly considering marrying a short, fat, bald, (but please not smelly) middle aged man... Anyone got a rich uncle they want to auction off? As long as he can still breed, lets talk :)
ALRIGHT... Since I want you all to be prepared and get your practice... I'm tagging COLE, SACHIA, MARSHA, THERA, AMY and KRISTI. I think the rest of you have been tagged before. If not... Tune in next time... :)
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